Am I Kinky? Understanding Your Interests Without Shame

‍Maybe you’ve watched a movie, saw a show, or read a book and thought quietly to yourself, “…….Am I kinky?”  For some, it’s a fantasy or an idea they’ve had for many years and never told anyone.  Many people often wonder if their desires and interests are “normal”. Questions about sexuality, including kink are extremely common.

If this is you, welcome to this page. You are not alone and your desires and interests deserve a non-judgmental space where you can authentically explore who you are.

‍What Do Kink and BDSM Actually Mean?

‍With media and culture often portraying kink and BDSM inaccurately, let’s start off with a working definition.

‍Kink, broadly speaking is defined as an array of desires, activities, and fantasies that are outside of conventional ideas of sexuality.

‍BDSM is an umbrella term used to describe a wide array of erotic activities, practices, and interests that can include elements of psychological, physical, and/or sexual role-play, and consensual power exchange.

This means that kink exists on a spectrum, and everyone who is exploring kink and BDSM will have different things that speak to them. There’s no one right way to be kinky, and as you explore, you’ll see what generates your curiosity and what doesn’t.

Signs You Might Be Curious About Kink

You notice reoccurring fantasies that might include:

-power dynamics or power exchange

-bondage and restraint

-specific sensations

-roleplay scenarios

‍-wanting to feel vulnerable

‍-wanting to feel in control

‍Common Misconceptions About Kink

Myth: Kink means something is wrong with you.

‍Reality: Many people engage in and enjoy kink. In fact, some studies report that 45-60% of people have had a fantasy or curiosity about kink. Kink is a normal and healthy part of human sexuality.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352250X22001944

Myth: Kink always involves pain.

Reality: Pain is only one element that can be involved! In fact, a lot of kink and BDSM does not have elements of pain. Many kinks involve power, sensation play, and more, all things that aren’t pain.

‍Myth: BDSM is abuse.

Reality: BDSM requires immense trust, negotiation, and consent. Abuse is rooted in taking away someone’s power, where BDSM is a negotiated dynamic that involves people consenting to power exchange.

‍Myth: It always involves sex.

Reality: Kink and BDSM can involve sex, but a lot of the time, it doesn’t! Kink and BDSM scenes are not synonymous with sex. Scenes can focus on things such as intimacy, trust, roleplay, and sensory experiences.

How Therapy Can Help

Many people choose to seek out therapy and reach out when they want to:

-understand their sexuality more

-reduce feelings of shame or stigma

-learn how to explore their desires safely

-talk and communicate with partner/s about their desires

-navigate mismatched desires in relationship

‍A sex and kink positive therapist can help you to explore your desires without judgement, help you to understand what this means for you, and decide whether this is something you want to integrate into your life. Exploring your sexuality can be a gradual process. If you’re curious about kink or simply want a safe place to talk openly about your desires, therapy can offer a supportive space to do that.